Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Quote by Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
80% of success is showing up.
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To...
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.