He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...