He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people...

Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people...

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs....

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs....

Eating greens is a special treat, it makes long ears and great big feet. But...

Eating greens is a special treat, it makes long ears and great big feet. But...