Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Life Quotes

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been...

Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been...

Beer is good food

Beer is good food

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he...

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he...