Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Life Quotes

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Take care of your body. Its the only place you have to live.

Take care of your body. Its the only place you have to live.

When working out, length is not a substitute for intensity.

When working out, length is not a substitute for intensity.

The only one who can tell you 'you can't ' is you. And you don't...

The only one who can tell you 'you can't ' is you. And you don't...