Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Life Quotes

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Life in a box is better than no life at all ... I expect.

Life in a box is better than no life at all ... I expect.

Holiness is the very principle of eternal life, the very beginning of eternal life in...

Holiness is the very principle of eternal life, the very beginning of eternal life in...