If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Movies Quotes

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Regret for time wasted can become a power for good in the time that remains,...

Regret for time wasted can become a power for good in the time that remains,...

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth...

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth...