If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Movies Quotes

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.