If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Movies Quotes

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he...

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...