If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
Quote by Woody Allen
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Sex relieves tension - love causes it.
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Regret for time wasted can become a power for good in the time that remains,...
My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth...