Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate
Quote by Woody Allen
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...
80% of success is showing up.
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
Marriage is the death of hope.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Sex relieves tension - love causes it.