Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quote by Woody Allen
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...