Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

He would take your mother off your father.

He would take your mother off your father.

He'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear

He'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him. But a day comes...

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him. But a day comes...

Nothing can so pierce the soul as the uttermost sigh of the body.

Nothing can so pierce the soul as the uttermost sigh of the body.