Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...