Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quote by Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.