Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to...

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to...

Who is affected more when it's cold? Poor people. Who is affected more when it's...

Who is affected more when it's cold? Poor people. Who is affected more when it's...