Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

The pejorative term 'political correctness' was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette...

The pejorative term 'political correctness' was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette...

Being an American is about having the right to be who you are. Sometimes that...

Being an American is about having the right to be who you are. Sometimes that...

I secretly understood: the primitive appeal of the hearth. Television is-its irresistible charm-a fire.

I secretly understood: the primitive appeal of the hearth. Television is-its irresistible charm-a fire.