If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. Theres too much fraternizing with the...

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. Theres too much fraternizing with the...

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one,...

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one,...

Some friends play at friendship, but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin.

Some friends play at friendship, but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin.