If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I dont fear death, but I sure dont like those three-footers for par.

I dont fear death, but I sure dont like those three-footers for par.

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences...

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences...