If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

He'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear

He'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear

Cheating on someone is deeper than people realize, it destroys their outlook on love, future...

Cheating on someone is deeper than people realize, it destroys their outlook on love, future...

There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and...

There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and...