If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

There is much satisfaction in work well done, but there can be no happiness equal...

There is much satisfaction in work well done, but there can be no happiness equal...

A friend should bear a friend's infirmities, But Brutus makes mine greater than they are.

A friend should bear a friend's infirmities, But Brutus makes mine greater than they are.