If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Quote by Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be...
And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children...