If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty...

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty...

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing;...

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing;...

To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first.

To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first.

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of.

Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of.