I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.