I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

What we call happiness in the strictest sense comes from the (preferably sudden) satisfaction of...

What we call happiness in the strictest sense comes from the (preferably sudden) satisfaction of...

A city becomes a world when one loves one of it's inhabitants.

A city becomes a world when one loves one of it's inhabitants.

What is deservedly suffered must be borne with calmness, but when the pain is unmerited,...

What is deservedly suffered must be borne with calmness, but when the pain is unmerited,...

The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar, familiar...

The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar, familiar...