I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!