My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...
He's done more U-turns than a dodgy plumber.
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up...