I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Parents Quotes

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

Theres photoshop, auto tune, & plastic surgery. Too bad theres nothing for your ugly personality.

Theres photoshop, auto tune, & plastic surgery. Too bad theres nothing for your ugly personality.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity,...

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity,...