I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Parents Quotes

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that...

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that...

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.

To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.