When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.