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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

,

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

,

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

,

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

,

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

,

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

,

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

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When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

,

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...