I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't met me yet

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Hilarious Quotes, Life Quotes

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is...

I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is...

To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia -...

To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia -...

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes