I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't met me yet

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Hilarious Quotes, Life Quotes

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said...

So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said...

George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.

George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.

Have you seen my Kung fu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awsome!

Have you seen my Kung fu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awsome!

Our children are not going to be just our children-they are going to be other...

Our children are not going to be just our children-they are going to be other...