When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...