When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...