I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Cheating Quotes, Soul Quotes

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

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