I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Cheating Quotes, Soul Quotes

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

Drink to the point of hilarity.

Drink to the point of hilarity.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.