I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
Drink to the point of hilarity.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.