I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Cheating Quotes, Soul Quotes

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

I hope I shall never be deterred from detecting what I think a cheat, by...

I hope I shall never be deterred from detecting what I think a cheat, by...

You can't cheat the public for long.

You can't cheat the public for long.

To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal...

To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal...

No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it...

No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it...