I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...