I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Truth Quotes

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

A man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine

A man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine