I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Truth Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...