I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does...

There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does...

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...