I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...
There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does...
Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough
Happy Leap Day...An extra day to deal with stupid people.