Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Quote by Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
So, do you live around here often?
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...