Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Wisdom Quotes

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.