I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Quote by Steven Wright
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
What a nice night for an evening.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.