I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.