I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...
Hermits have no peer pressure.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
So, do you live around here often?
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.