I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.