I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...