I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...