The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Love Quotes

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...