I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...