I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I think he [Archie Bunker] is in every man my age, no matter what he...

I think he [Archie Bunker] is in every man my age, no matter what he...