I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.