I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.