If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: God Quotes

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.