If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: God Quotes

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.