If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: God Quotes

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.