Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Employees Quotes

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?