Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Employees Quotes

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...