I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.