I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It...

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It...

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl...

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl...