I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

Volleyball is just a more intense version of 'Don't let the balloon touch the floor.'

Volleyball is just a more intense version of 'Don't let the balloon touch the floor.'

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep...

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep...

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.