A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...