Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.