Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I got along better with the guys than with the girls. Only two girls came...

I got along better with the guys than with the girls. Only two girls came...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...