Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

There are tons of people I'd like to freeze for all of eternity, but we...

There are tons of people I'd like to freeze for all of eternity, but we...