I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Achievement Quotes, Funny Quotes, Immortality Quotes

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

You can't force anyone to love you or lend you money.

You can't force anyone to love you or lend you money.