When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Me: 'I wanna go on a diet.' Food: 'LOL! No...'

Me: 'I wanna go on a diet.' Food: 'LOL! No...'

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth...

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth...