When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal...

To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal...

He who chooses to be a master never does just enough to get by; nor...

He who chooses to be a master never does just enough to get by; nor...

The problem... is emblematic of what hasn't changed during the equal opportunity revolution of the...

The problem... is emblematic of what hasn't changed during the equal opportunity revolution of the...