Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Quote by Woody Allen
Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.
I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job