There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Death Quotes

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of...

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of...

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then...

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then...