My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Failure Quotes, Luck Quotes, Success Quotes

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.