My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Failure Quotes, Luck Quotes, Success Quotes

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...