I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Quote by Woody Allen
Woody Allen Quotes
Marriage is the death of hope.
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...
Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...