I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The truth is that while men, in our society, are encouraged to have strong egos...

The truth is that while men, in our society, are encouraged to have strong egos...

I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on...

I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on...