I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

As we advance in life we learn the limits of our abilities.

As we advance in life we learn the limits of our abilities.

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only...

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only...