I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.