I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...