I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.