I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Government, obviously, cannot fill a child's emotional needs. Nor can it fill his spiritual and...

Government, obviously, cannot fill a child's emotional needs. Nor can it fill his spiritual and...

I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then...

I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...