The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Quote by Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us...
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...