The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Sex Quotes

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit...

Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit...

Applause waits on success.

Applause waits on success.