What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be...

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be...