What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...