Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Quote by Woody Allen
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Sex relieves tension - love causes it.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...
If a man has talent and can't use it, he's failed. If he uses only...
No matter how hard the loss, defeat might serve as well as victory to shake...
When it comes to luck, you make your own.
Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.