You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Quote by Woody Allen
Woody Allen Quotes
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....
Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.
Heigh ho, heigh ho! / It's off to work we go.