I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Achievement Quotes, Funny Quotes, Immortality Quotes

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Remember and help America remember that the fellowship of human beings is more important than...

Remember and help America remember that the fellowship of human beings is more important than...

Until the rise of American advertising, it never occurred to anyone anywhere in the world...

Until the rise of American advertising, it never occurred to anyone anywhere in the world...

I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...but suicides a crime.

I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...but suicides a crime.