If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

It's a bad day when my glasses are M.I.A.

It's a bad day when my glasses are M.I.A.

You need to have a bad day once in a while, otherwise, you'll never know...

You need to have a bad day once in a while, otherwise, you'll never know...