If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.