I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a...

Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Money is only a human invention. I get paid for my work, it's a system...

Money is only a human invention. I get paid for my work, it's a system...