I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Women Quotes

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

The first key to wisdom is assiduous and frequent questioning

The first key to wisdom is assiduous and frequent questioning

One's real life is often the life that one does not lead

One's real life is often the life that one does not lead