I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Quote by Woody Allen
Woody Allen Quotes
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...
80% of success is showing up.
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.