In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...