If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Birth, life, and death -- each took place on the hidden side of a leaf

Birth, life, and death -- each took place on the hidden side of a leaf

The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according to his action.

The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according to his action.